Sometimes I wish I had learned more languages as a child. English is a nice native tongue, as are Spanish, Latin, Greek, French, Russian, and Tibetan Yak, all of which were taught in my private finishing school on the banks of Interlocken in Switzerland. Learning new languages should be a necessary part of every young scion-to-be, and yet I feel like I haven’t done enough personally to expand my linguistic prowess, adding only German and Swedish in the recent years. And who really needs Swedish, honestly?

But back to the point: I was told, just the other day, that our delightful Spa Luce was being written up in Cosmopolitan, one of my absolutely favorite magazines! I couldn’t wait to read it… Unfortunately, I was defeated by my own ignorance. I’ll let the picture do the explaining:

This is Cosmopolitan Hong Kong, which is in Chinese, so I can’t read a word of it. I assume every word in this article is true and kind, because, well, Spa Luce is fantastic. In fact, I’m going to assume there’s also a complimentary word or two in there about me. Why wouldn’t they, after all?

So, while I can’t read it, I would like to thank Cosmopolitan Hong Kong for such a glowing review (who’s going to say otherwise?), and also to CoolHunt (their website here) for setting it up. Thanks, people! Now, time to brush up on those dead languages; where’s my copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls?

This is Bruce, signing off.

I wanted to leave word with all you merry holiday-makers: the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel & Spa is offering a special holiday rate of $149 for the next ten days, from December 18th to 28th (Bruce’s Lawyer Steve’s Note: This rate is based on availability, and you don’t actually have to be merry or a holiday-maker).

Conveniently enough, not only is this reduced rate just in time for a couple of upcoming holidays, namely Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Boxer’s Day, etc., but there’s also a little thing called my half-birthday (Steve’s note: Bruce has birthdays every month)! Leave all presents at the front desk. Hint: some of my favorite gifts from last year were French hand soaps, star fruits, and wind chimes.

So if you want to come by the hotel, this is a great time. When booking, you need to provide the request rate code LLOB when calling the reservation line or use the promo code SPC when booking online here.

This is Bruce, signing off.

Life imitates art, right? Or is it the other way round?

Consider this: Yes Man, the new movie starring Jim Carrey and coming out on December 19th, is actually based on a non-fiction book, Yes Man, by a writer, Danny Wallace, who forced himself to say “yes” whenever he would normally have said “no” for six months. (Side note: Sometimes I wonder why I said “yes” to this blog in the first place. I expect it was the caviar they offered. But that’s neither here nor there.)

So, are you with me so far? Now, that true-life book, turned into a fictional movie, was being filmed at our very own hotel last winter – see the picture below – where the movie production team had hoisted a giant sign over our front facade declaring, “Yes is the new No!” Here’s where it gets meta: locals thought we were hosting a real conference and started calling to make reservations… for something that didn’t actually exist. So people wanted to be a part of something totally fictional.

Was that all very confusing? Not terribly, I hope. But think about it: art imitates life, with the movie and the book, and then life wants to imitate art, with the public calling to be a part of the fake conference. Brilliant, eh? There’s a reason I have a PhD in astrophysics.

Mostly I just want to encourage you all, if you happen to be seeing the new movie, to try and spot our marvelous hotel. It shouldn’t be too hard. It’s the one with big giant sign around it, shouting, “YES!”

This is Bruce, signing off.

Greetings, friends! Apologies for ending that title with a preposition…

Do you listen to Fleet Foxes? Santogold? The Wailers? Well, apparently, these are all bands. Popular bands, according to my staff. I’ve never heard of them. Whatever happened to calling it like it is, like the days Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin? What’s the world coming to? What I do know is that the next line of musicians and bands that just might make it big will be on-hand this week at the Hollywood Music Awards, right next to us at The Highlands Hollywood.

This award-show, celebrating the best in new independent music, is coming to the Hollywood & Highland Center on Thursday, November 20th – yes, this week. You can still actually buy tickets to the event here and see it live. The show is hosted by comedian Russell Peters, and features a number of great musical performances by tomorrow’s hottest bands. (I got $5 for writing that!) During the show, I’ll be backstage, just mingling and schmoozing, using my VIP pass to hang around the cool kids. I may play “Stairway” if there’s a spare Strat sitting around.

And the best part of being located right next to a major awards venue (we host the big Oscar parties in February, remember?) is we’re going to be hosting a bunch of the nominees at the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel & Spa. That means they have to hang out with me. Ha!

EDIT: I’ve been informed that, due to my contract rider, which the show’s management deemed “ridiculous and possibly illegal,” my VIP pass has been revoked. Really, is it that hard to have fifteen bowls of M&Ms with all the yellow ones picked out ready for me at my arrival?

This is Bruce, signing off.

Uh-oh, the holidays are coming! I just got my first holiday card. It was from the King of England. He and I, we go back. The wild stories we have from Prohibition! Sadly, the last King of England hasn’t been around for more than fifty years. Pity the English postal system…

Still, it’s November and Thanksgiving is coming up – another holiday the Brits are not particularly fond of. And December is the home of such illustrious holidays as Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, as well as other slightly less well-known holidays as National Cookie Day (December 4th), Human Rights Day (December 10th), and Poinsettia Day (December 12th). Yes, the fabulous poinsettia gets its own holiday. Don’t you feel smarter knowing this?

All this is a roundabout way of getting to the important point: the Renaissance Hollywood Hotel & Spa, the delightful home of yours truly, is offering a special rate for all those people out there looking for a place to stay this cold winter season. And by cold, I mean under 60° F. Any colder and I get frostbite through my silk undergarments.

The hotel is offering a very low rate of $229 per night for one of our amazing guestrooms and, if you’re really really special and have an Elephant Card from the Hollywood & Highland Center, you can get an even more-special rate of $199 per night. Now, here’s the secret: I’m going to tell you exactly where to get this fabled Elephant Card. Go to Visitors Information on Level 1 of the H&H Center and tell them Bruce sent you. They promised me they would take care of you, my beloved audience. I trust them; you should too. Supposedly you can also get these cards mailed to you by visiting www.hollywoodandhighland.com but who trusts these intertubes anyway?

Now, go forth, and celebrate! Today, November 14, is National American Teddy Bear Day. I thought you should know that.

This is Bruce, signing off.